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April 27, 2006
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Pinings: The challenges of distance Hi Sherry, I know I am better than this. I know that if only I can get over my fears maybe I can really get to know him better for the lovely person he is. I don?t really have any close girlfriends. The ones who do keep in touch always have extreme problems (a boyfriend beating them, no home to live in etc.) My family gives me the basic home comforts but emotionally they?don?t know what I am going through (my father is the first guy my mum slept with and has been with since she was 16). She is very jealous of him even now ? they are in their 50s ?but they are in love and go away for romantic weekends together often. I have always been in long-term relationships although I have had more one-night stands during the 6 months when we had broken up than I have ever had. And the thing is I had a lot of fun. I don?t know if this is because maybe I don?t want to admit that I actually want to play a bit more. But I have such a lovely guy here who is beautiful in every way. I am killing him and myself at the same time. Does any of this make sense to you? Please help me if you can. Ultimately I want to be with him and I picture us growing old together. I love him very much but I will turn him against me if I carry on the way I have been. I am such a waste of space when I let myself down like this. I wish had a friend close enough here to talk to?but my friends practice escapism rather than speaking about something and getting to the root of the problem. Donna, You might want to talk to a professional (therapist, counselor, clergy member) about the root of your jealousy and what you might do about it. Your mother is a jealous person and you tell me that your boyfriend cheated on you before ?so those are two things that might contribute to the insecurity that you feel. How you deal with those feelings is key. The other thing I want to address is that it?s time to make new friends and figure out what makes you happy outside of this relationship. You will be much more attractive to your man if you aren?t always waiting for him to call, waiting to see him. Make a life for yourself and find some healthy, fun people to hang around with. Get a new hobby, learn a new language, take a class. Dependent, jealous women are a turn-off. Prove to yourself that you are more than that. Oh, and you aren?t a waste of space because you struggle with this stuff. You are just a normal person with normal challenges. Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers at sah103@hotmail.com Comments??Thoughts? Discuss this article and more at hippoflea.com |
 
04/13/2006 Live a little
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