June 22, 2006

Pinings: A dubious proposition
by Sherry Hughes sah103@hotmail.com

Dear Sherry,
I was having dinner last weekend with my boyfriend, my mom and dad and my sister and her husband. I noticed that my brother in-law was being kind of quiet. He?s normally a lot of fun. When I asked my sister about it later she said the two of them were separating and he?s pretty down about it. She is not, she?s happier than I?ve ever seen her. I guess she feels that they married too young and she needs some ?space.?

It makes me sad that they are divorcing, but what she told me next was downright disturbing: They are going to continue to live together as roommates. She said they didn?t want to sell their house, which they both love, and they figured they could make things work out.

I didn?t ask about sleeping arrangements ?but they do have an extra bedroom.

Is it me or is this just bizarre? I predict big trouble in the future and I?m not sure they have really thought this through.

Have you ever heard of people doing that?

Maura

Dear Maura,
Clearly you don?t know any lesbians. For a variety of reasons, this is something I?ve seen over and over again in the lesbian community. I?ve been told that it?s about trust and intimacy; that people who are gay aren?t able to bond with everyone they meet, so when they do bond with someone, they tend to keep them close at hand, even after a difficult break-up. Personally, I?m old-school on this. If you treated me badly when we were together, why do I want to be friends with you? Live with you? Forget it.

Maybe this sounds like a feasible plan for your sister for right now. Maybe they don?t want to be any more traumatized than they are right now. Maybe it?ll work.

Do your best to be loving and supportive, even if you don?t agree or understand their decisions. And look at it this way: It could be a whole lot worse..

Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers at sah103@hotmail.com

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