  |
|
September 7, 2006
|
Pinings: I know what boys like Dear Sherry, Since we live together, he gets up in the morning before I do and looks at them then. I was extremely bothered by this, especially since he told me that he doesn’t have very much, and he doesn’t look at porn anymore anyway. Since we live together, I don’t feel that looking on a shared computer is snooping. I know most guys do watch porn, but I’m still extremely bothered by it. My worry became stronger when I read your comment about love-making. When we have sex, it’s great, but we’ve never had a full sexual experience that has been warm, tender or loving … maybe for a few minutes, but weighed against the rest of the times, I don’t think it’s enough. It’s bothered me before, but I didn’t let it get to me until now. Could this have any link to his porn watching? I’m not good with how to word my questions, but I want to know if I should view those two situations as problems. I know some porn is normal, but I think the amount he has is over the top … and the fact that he’s never lovingly intimate with me kind of hurts my feelings. I’m worried that he sees sex as more of a physical thing than emotional. What are your thoughts on the topics? Dear Julia, The bottom line is that he hasn’t been as truthful as you would like him to be about porn. Add that to the snooping factor and I’d say you’re even. You two are long overdue for a talk about this subject – not an argument, but a talk — and perhaps some negotiating. You can tell him what an acceptable amount of pornography would mean for you and he can tell you what he thinks about that. And then you can talk about the whole relationship between sex and porn — if there is one — and how you are feeling about it. I think many, if not most, men look at sex as more of a physical outlet than an emotional connection. That doesn’t make it right or wrong. But if you aren’t getting the tenderness you desire, it’s time to speak up. It isn’t necessarily about porn; it may just be the way he makes love. You say that the sex is great, which is excellent. Now you can talk to him about adding a component that makes you happy, such as more intimacy and warmth. Even better, you can take the initiative in bed and show him what you want. Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers at sah103@hotmail.com Comments? Thoughts? Discuss this article and more at hippoflea.com |
08/24/2006 Act the part
|
Navigation
