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Pinings: Lack of ambition
by Sherry Hughes sah103@hotmail.com
Dear Pinings,
When my husband and I first got together, we went out a lot. We never go anywhere anymore unless it’s to do normal stuff — getting the groceries, running errands. We’ve been married for two years and together for six. I love him a lot and am still very attracted to him. But I’m bored with our lifestyle.
A few weeks ago, I was telling my sister about this. She told me that life is too short and that she’s wondered for a long time why I deal with his lack of ambition. (He has a good job and works some overtime every week, but not like 60 hours or anything). I never know when to draw the line with him and insist he go with me to an event or party.
I don’t want to get into fights with him. I also don’t want to go by myself.
Usually what has happened when I bring this up for conversation is that he makes an effort for a couple of weeks and then we are back to the same old, same old.
How do I get him off the couch and back into life? I’m afraid to have children with this man. I don’t want to be going to soccer games alone, school events alone, the park, vacation, etc.
Kristen
Kristen,
A very wise and educated man once told me (OK, it was my therapist) that I couldn’t judge a partner’s behavior based on the first six months of dating. We all change and grow and get into a comfort zone. Your husband is obviously all nested in and comfy. You want to live life in a different way. My suggestion is that you go ahead and do that. Sit him down and tell him that you need more social stimulation. If he isn’t willing to go with you, do some things on your own. You needn’t be nasty or get in a fight, but just go do what you need to do. This doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage; it may just be a shift. And it may make everyone happier.
But be prepared, it might only work for one of you.
Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers at sah103@hotmail.com
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