Why not just rename the granite state, the ashphalt state

By Jeffrey R. DeRego

Try and drive anywhere in New Hampshire these days and you will see them; millions of orange traffic cones stalwartly guiding already slow moving traffic to a complete stop. Is there some reason that every single street in the southern half of the state is under construction; that every single stretch of asphalt from Methuen to Montreal has sprouted traffic cones like late summer wildflowers? Who signed all these construction contracts? Can't they read a calendar? Didn't they realize that this would grind daily life in New Hampshire to a complete and frustrating halt?

Now, I love to see my tax dollars at work. However, I’m not sure that they warranted such a long and elaborate production number to demonstrate that the money isn't being squandered on polish for the state house floors. A few trucks, here and there, some pothole patches maybe, a new overpass or exit; any of these would have been fine. Really, I mean that.

But wait. I have an idea to capitalize on our lust for new pavement! Let's make it a tourist attraction. Seeing as tens of thousands of Massachusetts tourists are now permanently encamped on I-93 north while the Manchester bridges are painted, let's charge admission.

We could structure it like an African safari:

See the majestic dump trucks cavorting under the hot August sun. Witness herds of shirt less construction workers wielding shovels and picks! Let's count cranes! Look kids, I've never seen a bulldozer THAT big before! Don't offer the state policeman bread honey...

As an amusement park:

Challenge your skills on the amazing four-lanes-to-one merge! Test your stamina in engine overheat alley! Dodge the speeding ambulance! Pavement ends adventure coaster! And when it rains escape the hydroplane mud flume!

Finally, as a scavenger hunt:

Detour to mystery! Find the rural route! Does Old Nashua Road actually end in Nashua?

Hell, charging admission might actually render the Claremont crisis moot.

I think we could alter the state nomenclature to reflect our commitment to stall traffic even longer than The Big Dig. We could become "The Asphalt State." I know I have seen more rubberized road tar than granite on the highways and byways of New Hampshire.

Make the state flower the orange traffic cone. Does anyone even know what the state flower is anyway? I bet you dollars to Dunkin’ Donuts that everyone can identify one of those cute little reflective safety markers.

Proclaim our state bird as the News 9 traffic copter!

Change the state motto from Live Free or Die, to Expect Delays, Seek Alternate Route or Construction Vehicle, Do Not Follow .

I hope we learned something from the fiasco in Boston. Remember Boston? It used to be a city, didn't it, before it became the over-budget, impassable, eyesore and replica of the Arizona meteor crater known as The Big Dig. It's a wonder that there are any construction companies not employed at The Big Dig, but that's another story.

If it was up to me I would officially proclaim this summer of perpetual construction be forever known as "The Big Pave."

I know that eventually all of this construction will end, and I will be happy that every single road is as smooth as a baby's backside; at least until winter, when the plows tear it all up again.