The Triplets of Belleville (PG-13): Crazed, earth-toned cartoons kidnap other crazed, earth toned cartoons for use in a gambling hall in 1930s-ish New York (or maybe Montreal) in the French-language movie The Triplets of Belleville. [02-19-04]

50 First Dates (PG-13): Adam Sandler mixes kissing and flowers with vomit and penis jokes to create the gross-out romantic comedy 50 First Dates, a movie readymade for your date-night pleasure. [02-19-04]

Barbershop 2: Back in Business (PG-13): Ice Cube trades snaps with Queen Latifah and gives a little speech against gentrification in the sequel Barbershop 2: Back in Business. [02-12-04]

The Perfect Score (PG-13): Scarlett Johansson slums it in the 1980s-style high school comedy caper The Perfect Score, a little John Hughesian remix that has a nice lesson about why it’s wrong to steal. [02-12-04]

Miracle (PG): Pull out the American flags for the heartwarming tale of the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey victory over the Soviet Union in the Walt Disney movie Miracle. [02-12-04]

You Got Served (PG-13): An urban dance crew has to battle a rival group, poverty and internal strife in their attempt to win $50,000 and a spot in a Lil' Kim video in You Got Served, a movie that is basically Bring It On, only with less lip gloss and more street. [02-05-04]

The Big Bounce (PG-13): Owen Wilson has charm and spark but he's the only thing that pops in The Big Bounce. [02-05-04]

Monster (R): Charlize Theron uglies herself up for the role of Aileen Wuornos, a convicted serial killer, in the dark, disturbing, engrossing biopic Monster. [02-05-04]

Torque (PG-13): Jay Hernandez dashes hopes while Ice Cube pays some bills in the lametacular ad for low-cut jeans and shiney bikes Torque. [01-29-04]

The Butterfly Effect (R): Ashton Kutcher branches out from cheesy teen movies to cheesy sci-fi in the time travel thriller The Butterfly Effect. [01-29-04]

Win A Date With Tad Hamilton (PG-13): Topher Grace, Kate Bosworth and Josh Duhamel are aggressively charming in Win a Date with Tad Hamilton!, a corny little romance about a simple town girl who wins a date with a sparkly-smiled teen dream. [01-29-04]

Along Came Polly (PG-13): Ben Stiller vomits and poops his way through a wack-tacular There’s Something About Mary rip-off Along Came Polly. [01-22-04]

The Cooler (R): William H. Macy is the unluckiest man in the world—or at least in Las Vegas—and his casino bosses love it that way in The Cooler. [01-22-04]

In America (PG-13): An Irish family struggles to start a new life in Manhattan in the charming tale In America. [01-22-04]

Big Fish (R): Albert Finney tells the tall tales of his life story—charmingly acted out by Ewan McGregor—in the Tim Burton fairy tale Big Fish. [01-15-04]

House of Sand and Fog (R): Jennifer Connelly and Ben Kingsley get caught up in the worst real estate deal ever in the sad and lovely House of Sand and Fog. [01-15-04]

Chasing Liberty (PG-13): Mandy Moore alternately bores and irritates in the fluffy Roman Holiday retread Chasing Liberty. [01-15-04]

The Best & Worst of 2003: Sure, I could look back at the miles of 2003 footage and try to find the quality, the standouts, the classics-in-the-making. But what's the fun of that? Here's 2003 as it really was. [01-08-04]

Peter Pan (R): Swashbuckling pirates, magical adventures and pre-teen love mix with some mighty fine art direction and special effects in Peter Pan, a 100 percent singing-free version of the children’s classic. [01-01-04]

Paycheck (R): Ben Affleck is all about the quizzical expression as Michael Jennings, a man who’s constantly having his short term memory wiped clean, in the low fat sci-fi action flick Paycheck. [01-01-04]

Cold Mountain (R): Everybody in Hollywood steps up for a chance to Southern-accent their way to an Oscar nomination in the epic-sized love

story/war story/ exercise in self-indulgence Cold Mountain. [01-1-04]

Lord of The Rings: The Return of the King (PG-13): Peter Jackson and crew save Christmas, cure cancer and end world hunger with the astounding awesomeness of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.[12-25-03]

Contender Film Series

Love Don't Cost A Thing (PG-13): A nerd pays the most popular girl in his high school to be his girlfriend, thus upping his popularity, in Love Don't Cost a Thing.[12-18-03]

Something's Gotta Give (PG-13): Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton star in a romantic comedy that I don't have time to discuss because I'm packing to go to Hollywood and make mountains of cash making movies like Something's Gotta Give.[12-18-03]

Stuck On You (PG-13): The Farrelly brothers write a mushy Christmas card to each other in the tale of conjoined twins who want different things in life in the sort-of comedy Stuck On You.[12-18-03]

Honey (PG-13): Jessica Alba is the very-poor-man's J.Lo. in the dancerrific AfterSchool Special Honey.[12-11-03]

The Last Samurai (R): Tom Cruise can be manly, damn it, and he really really tries to prove it with the overblown, self-important, way-too-long epic The Last Samurai.[12-11-03]

Bad Santa (R): Thievery, drunkenness, kinky sex and betrayal—Bad Santa is the very best Christmas movie ever![12-04-03]

The Missing (R): Tommy Lee Jones and Cate Blanchett coat themselves with dust and layer of grim determination in hopes of getting their 2003 Oscar nominations in the western The Missing. [12-04-03]

Timeline (PG-13):  

Genres collide in the spawned-from-Michael-Crichton action flick Timeline, a movie catering to the Renaissance-fair-going-to Middle Earthers and the Spock-ear-wearing sci-fi aficionados. [12-04-03]

Haunted Mansion (PG): Eddie Murphy learns the true meaning of family (that it will watch any silly bit of hackneyed tripe if it’s rated PG) in the action comedy Haunted Mansion, Disney’s second movie in the based-on-a-ride series.[12-04-03]

The Human Stain (R): Anthony Hopkins turns in his submission for an Oscar nomination with his portrayal of Coleman Silk in The Human Stain, which is based on the Philip Roth novel.[11-27-03]

Gothika (R): Halle Berry screams and solves crime in the thriller/ghost story Gothika.[11-27-03]

Dr. Seuss' Cat In The Hat (PG): Mike Myers does not have lots of good fun, nor is any of it funny, in the live action destruction of the beloved children's book Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat.[11-27-03]

Love Actually (R): Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, Liam Neeson, Alan Rickman and Billy Bob Thornton provide something for everygirl in the sweet, sticky-like-Greek-pastry romantic comedy Love Actually.[11-20-03]

Master and Commander (R): Russell Crowe is all leader-of-men-y and king-and-country-ish and crafty-tactician-like in the battle-at-sea drama Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World, a movie that also catches him rugged and, on occasion, smoldering and sometimes a little shirtless and his face portrays a combination of compassion and dogged determination and also he frequently gets wet and …[11-20-03]

The Matrix: Revolutions (R): The Wachowski brothers (Andy and, for now anyway, Larry) wrap up their universe full of all-powerful machines, the humans who fight them and rogue software programs with The Matrix Revolutions, the damn-well-better-be final installment in the Keanu Reeves-led trilogy.[11-13-03]

Elf (PG): Will Ferrell goes for a little of the holiday cheer buck in the family-friendly candy cane Elf, a movie all about the Christmas spirit, the importance of family and the ability of a really pronounced codpiece to steal a scene.[11-13-03]

In The Cut (R): Meg Ryan wants to make you forget about You’ve Got Mail and will even take her shirt off to do it in the uneven yet intriguing thriller, In the Cut.[11-6-03]

Brother Bear (G): The Native Americans don’t have enough problems, they’ve gotta have Disney get all mixed up in their legends and religion and stuff—but in cheery cartoon form in the Lessons Learned animated feature Brother Bear.[11-6-03]

Beyond Borders (PG-13):Angelina Jolie should stick to playing loud-mouthed bad girls and proves why with the tepid little romance Beyond Borders. [10-30-03]

Radio (PG): Cuba Gooding Jr. lets go of his last remaining shred of dignity with the painfully bad sports fairy tale Radio. [10-30-03]

Scary Movie (PG-13): David Zucker, he of Airplane fame, rearranges the parody food on the humorless-comedy plate with the achingly unfunny collection of skits passed off as horror-tinged hilarity in Scary Movie 3. [10-30-03]

Runaway Jury (PG-13): John Grisham cashes another check and throws a bucket off money onto his ever-growing mountain with the, all together kids, courtroom thriller full of corruption and Southern accents Runaway Jury. [10-23-03]

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (R): Never has violence been so stultifying dull as in the endlessly gory, deeply gruesome yet none-the-less soporific The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. [10-23-03]

Mystic River (R): Sean Penn is at his Penn-iest in the Clint Eastwood Oscar-bait Mystic River, a movie full of method acting, sweeping music and lots and lots of angst. [10-23-03]

Intolerable Cruelty (PG-13):George Clooney puts a nice Cary Grant sheen on his Clark Gableness  (with flecks of Jimmy Stewart) as a divorce attorney all atwitterpated the gold-digging wife of a client in the Coen Brothers’ romantic comedy Intolerable Cruelty. [10-16-03]

Kill Bill Vol. 1: Over-the-top fight scenes, hokey hilarious dialogue and some of the most heavily stylized shots in mainstream cinema get a thorough soaking in a sea of cherry-syrup-red, merrily-squirting gore in Kill Bill, Volume 1, the first part of Quentin Tarantino’s most recent homage to a martial arts movies and irono-cool filmmaking. [10-16-03]

Lost in Translation (R): A boy spends a summer with his crotchety Texas uncles, learning the basics of country living (No television? For amusement, fire loaded guns at passing salesmen!) and hearing tales from their swashbuckling youth in the family sugar cookie Secondhand Lions. [10-09-03]

School of Rock (PG-13): A boy spends a summer with his crotchety Texas uncles, learning the basics of country living (No television? For amusement, fire loaded guns at passing salesmen!) and hearing tales from their swashbuckling youth in the family sugar cookie Secondhand Lions. [10-09-03]

Secondhand Lions (PG-13): A boy spends a summer with his crotchety Texas uncles, learning the basics of country living (No television? For amusement, fire loaded guns at passing salesmen!) and hearing tales from their swashbuckling youth in the family sugar cookie Secondhand Lions. [10-02-03]

Under the Tuscan Sun (PG-13): Diane Lane lives out the over-40 fantasy by rebounding from a divorce with an Italian villa and a couple of hot Italian guys in the market-ready, demographic-perfect Under the Tuscan Sun. [10-02-03]

Underworld (R): Kate Beckinsale decides to branch out from the limp-wristed indies and the polite costume dramas with the sci-fi-fantasy genre action flick Underworld, a blue-toned Romeo and Juliet set against a war between vampires and werewolves. [09-25-03]

Cold Creek Manor (R): Dennis Quaid and Sharon Stone play a poor man's Nick Nolte (or Gregory Peck, for the traditionalists) and Stephen Dorff plays a very poor man's Robert DeNiro (or Robert Mitchum) in the flimsy little thriller Cold Creek Manor, the movie you make when you want to make Cape Fear but can't afford to buy the rights. [09-25-03]

Anything Else (R): Woody Allen inhabits the body of a surprisingly articulate Jason Biggs in the romantic (Woody Allen) comedy Anything Else, another tale of a timid writer who becomes man by learning to deal with his flighty women and his bumbling manger. [09-25-03]

Matchstick Men (R): Nicolas Cage wants another Oscar and your respect and he goes after it with the drama-comic crime caper con-artist tale Matchstick Men. [09-18-03]

Once Upon a Time in Mexico (R): Antonio Banderas straps on the high-powered guitar once again for Once Upon a Time in Mexico, part three in Robert Rodriguez’s El Mariachi trilogy. [09-18-03]

Open Range (R): Kevin Costner makes his home where the deer and the antelope roam and where seldom is heard a discouraging word-except a couple of snarky comments about Waterworld-in Open Range, his latest love letter to the land of rolling hills and big skies. [08-21-03]

Freddy Vs. Jason (R): It's the long awaited showdown between the dull, silent evil of Jason Voorhees and the spasmodic, won't-shut-up evil of Freddy Kruger in the crossover slasher flick Freddy Vs. Jason.[08-21-03]

S.W.A.T (PG-13): Samuel L. Jackson keeps up his reputation as a swaggering bad-ass-ditto Michelle Rodriguez-in the low-fat popcorn flick S.W.A.T., a cop action movie very loosely based on the mid-1970s television show of the same name. [08-14-03]

Swimming Pool (R): An English mystery author breaks her writer's block by chronicling the slightly ominous doings of a slutty young French girl in the deceptively languorous suspense Swimming Pool. [08-14-03]

American Wedding (R): Desperately seeking one last bite at the sex-comedy apple before their careers recede with their hairlines, the boys of American Pie return for the nuptials of Everydork Jim and Band Nerd Michelle in American Wedding.[08-14-03]

Gigli (R): The Ben Affleck/Jennifer Lopez acting duo shines with high wattage megastardom and low wattage talent in the crime caper romance comedy Gigli. [08-07-03]

Freaky Friday (PG):

Jamie Lee Curtis gets a last gasp at youth in Freaky Friday, the remake of Disney's Jodie Foster family flick. [08-07-03]

Seabiscuit (PG-13): Tobey Maguire, Jeff Bridges and Chris Cooper sound the opening bell of the Oscar race in Seabiscuit, the true story of a lil'-engine-that-could racehorse that captured America's love of the underdog in the late 1930s. [07-31-03]

Lara Croft Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life (PG-13): Angelina Jolie fights an angry scientist to save the world from a glowy box in Lara Croft Tomb Raider: Cradle of Life. [07-24-03]

Bad Boys II (R): Will Smith must need another wing on his house and so he decide to spend five minutes starring in Bad Boys II, the very-much-not-clamored-for sequel to the 1995 buddy movie with Martin Lawrence. [07-24-03]

How to Deal (PG-13): Mandy Moore has the short brunette hair of a serious little actress in the teen-angst-apalooza How to Deal, a Lifetime movie for the "TRL" crowd. [07-24-03]

Johnny English (PG): Rowan Atkinson Mr. Beans his way through the spy thriller spoof Johnny English. [07-24-03]

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (PG-13): Sean Connery serves reheated James Bond dipped in a greasy approximation of Ernest Hemingway in the stale, cold, lumpy, moldy meatloaf surprise that is The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, a movie-loosely based on a comic book-made for all those people who thought Wild Wild West was awesome! but not hokey enough. [07-17-03]

Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas (PG): Brad Pitt sails through some loose adaptations of Greek mythology in hopes of keeping his voice career aloft even after his looks sink into old man cragginess in the DreamWorks cartoon. [07-17-03]

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (PG-13): Johnny Depp goes sailing off the edge of his career in the swashbuckler Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl, a movie based on the Disneyland ride of the same name. [07-17-03]

Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde (PG-13): Reese Witherspoon dons the pink once again as brainy legal bunny Elle Woods in Legally Blonde 2: Red, White and Blonde, the sequel to the apparently successful 2001 film.. [07-10-03]

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (R): Arnold Schwarzenegger takes a little break from his busy schedule of not running for governor of California to pull on the leather once more in Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, the third in the impressively drawn out Terminator series. [07-10-03]

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (PG-13): Lucy Liu, Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore kick-and shake-a lot of ass in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, the sequel to the 2000 movie based on the 1970s Aaron Spelling jiggle television phenomenon. [07-03-03]

Alex and Emma (PG-13): Luke Wilson dictates the worst romance novel ever to his stenographer Kate Hudson in the ick-some romantic comedy Alex and Emma. [07-03-03]

28 Days Later (R): Limey zombies rule the earth-or at least, the British part of the earth-in 28 Days Later, a fun dark horror movie.[07-03-03]

Hulk (PG-13): Bruce Banner can turn from a somewhat dorky, unassuming scientist into an overpumped, rage-filled Jolly Green Giant in Hulk, the latest live action version of the Marvel comic book hero. [06-26-03]

From Justin to Kelly (PG): Justin Guarini ties you to a railing and merrily prances around poking you with a sharp stick while Kelly Clarkson throws salt in your wounds and gives you paper cuts on your tongue in From Justin to Kelly. [06-26-03]

Hollywood Homicide (PG-13): Harrison Ford looks bewildered to find himself in front of a camera in the, I don't know, comedy? Hollywood Homicide

[06-19-03]

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (PG-13): Two extremely special and challenged teens find a friend in each other in Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd, a prequel to the 1995 Farrelly brothers grossout.

[06-19-03]

2 Fast 2 Furious(PG-13): Vin Diesel does not star in 2 Fast 2 Furious, a movie about shiny cars and how they can go zoom-zoom very fast. [06-12-03]

Finding Nemo(G): Albert Brooks deals with loss, anxiety and imminent death in Finding Nemo, a cartoon for children! [06-12-03]

The Italian Job (PG-13): Marky Mark Wahlberg and Edward Norton try to out-heist each other in The Italian Job. [06-05-03]

Wrong Turn (R): Eliza Dushku puts on the Faith suit again for an extended remix of "The X-Files" inbred hillbillies episode in the blood-soaked horror movie Wrong Turn.

[06-05-03]

The In-laws(PG-13): Albert Brooks and Michael Douglas compete for the award for most hated actor in a screechingly bad family comedy in The In-Laws.

[06-05-03]

Bruce Almighty (PG-13): Jim Carrey decides to be Jimmy Stewart in the Frank Capra-esque fable Bruce Almighty. [05-29-03]

Down With Love (PG-13): Renee Zellweger channels Doris Day and Ewan McGregor goes all Rock Hudson (only with less gay) in the absolutely deadpan 1960s sex-comedy replica Down With Love. [05-29-03]

The Matrix: Reloaded (R): Keanu Reeves takes his slick and cool character Neo for another turn around the sci-fi block in The Matrix Reloaded, the sequel to the 1999 geekfest from the Wachowski brothers. [05-22-03]

Bend It Like Beckham (PG-13): Jess is a modern girl trying to live out her soccer-playing dreams despite her traditional Indian family's objections in the funny, sweet and smart Bend It Like Beckham. [05-22-03]

Better Luck Tomarrow (R): Rich and bored, a group of Asian American teens turn to a life of crime in the plastic paradise of Orange County in Better Luck Tomorrow. [05-22-03]

The Lizzie McGuire Movie (PG): Lizzie McGuire lives her demographic's dream in a trip from basic cable to the big screen wherein she finds non-threatening love, gets to live out her Britney Spears-wannabe fantasies and goes on a fabulous (insert squeal here) shopping trip in The Lizzie McGuire Movie. [05-15-03]

A Mighty Wind (PG-13): Christopher Guest and his gang go after the cheery, squirrelly world of folk music in the mockumentary A Mighty Wind, another in the Waiting For Guffman/Best In Show oeuvre [05-15-03]

Daddy Day Care (PG): Eddie Murphy wants the big family movie dollar and will throw every poop joke in the world at you to get it in the cartoony comedy Daddy Day Care. [05-15-03]

Identity (R): John Cusack plays the calm, sleuthy center of violent mystery in the thriller Identity. [05-08-03]

X2: X-Men United (PG-13): Professor X and the gang team up with Magneto and his boys (or, in this case, his girl Mystique) to save mutantkind in the zip-bang-wiz sequel X2: X-Men United [05-08-03]

It Runs in the Family (PG-13): Michael Douglas makes us feel his pain in the mushy Father's Day card It Runs in the Family, which also stars Kirk Douglas. [05-01-03]

The Real Cancun (R): The kids get drunk and show us their boobies in the "reality" movie The Real Cancun, brought to you by Mary-Ellis Bunim and Jonathan Murray-the minds behind MTV's "The Real World." [05-01-03]

Confidence (R): Edward Burns goes smooth as a master of the scam in the con-caper Confidence, a movie that is almost as cool as it thinks it is. [05-01-03]

Holes (PG): A boy attends a juvenile correction center where he does figurative and literal digging that leads him to uncover a variety of secrets in Holes, a Disney movie (but don't let that scare you) based on a novel by Louis Sachar. [04-24-03]

Bulletproof Monk (PG-13): Chow Yun-Fat sort of rises slightly above a fizz-less script and deeply hokey special effects in the fighting and quipping flick Bulletproof Monk, a movie that probably seems less awful than it should due to comparison with the recent string of truly sucksome action movies. [04-24-03]

Chasing Papi (PG): Hispanics get their turn at the pandering-plot crap-o-wheel in the caper comedy Chasing Papi. [04-24-03]

Malibu's Most Wanted (PG-13): Jaime Kennedy doesn't know when to call a lame skit quits in the rich-white-boy-as-ghetto-rapper comedy Malibu's Most Wanted.

[04-24-03]

Anger Management (PG-13): Adam Sandler plays the Adam Sandler character again in Anger Management, which is every other Adam Sandler movie ever with slight variations. [04-17-03]

House of 1000 Corpses (R): Rob Zombie manages to bore with gore in House of 1000 Corpses, a third-rate community theater production of Texas Chainsaw Massacre with enough of the details changed to prevent any copyright infringement. [04-17-03]

Phone Booth (R): Colin Farrell learns that communicable diseases and credit card fraud aren't the only bad things that can happen in a public phone booth in the wonderfully-no-effort-titled Phone Booth. [04-10-03]

What a Girl Wants (PG): Colin Firth plays his trademarked character (restrained thinky Brit on the outside; fun-loving passion guy on the inside) in What a Girl Wants, a Cinderella story about an American girl who hops the pond in search of the English father she never knew. [04-10-03]

A Man Apart (R): Vin Diesel is a cop forced to work outside the law to get justice for his murdered wife in A Man Apart, a somewhat hackneyed action drama crime movie that, and I don't know if I made this clear, stars Vin Diesel. [04-10-03]

The Core (PG-13): The Earth is about to be struck by a giant meteor and only Ben Affleck can … wait, no, the Earth is about to become a giant meteor thanks to a non-spinning core and only a brave band of mostly B-list movie stars can save us in the nice-try of a disaster flick The Core. [04-03-03]

Basic (R): Investigators behind the disappearance of five soldiers uncover intrigue (also bad accents and questionable use of foreshadowing) at the U.S. military base in Panama in the action/suspense/lousy John Travolta movie Basic. [04-03-03]

Head of State (PG-13): Chris Rock is one of the top, I don't know, three funniest people in America so why does he keep making clumsy, embarrassing non-comedies such as Head of State? [04-03-03]

View from the Top (PG-13): Shakespeare in Love apparently sapped Gwyneth Paltrow's ability to pick a decent script, an unfortunate handicap on display in the barely direct-to-video View from the Top. [03-27-03]

Dreamcatcher (R): Men who had a special bond as children and possess supernatural powers come together in the Maine woods to ward off an unknown evil and a mishmash of recycled bits of Stephen King plot in Dreamcatcher. [03-27-03]

Boat Trip (R): Cuba Gooding Jr. reaches a horrible new low in post-Oscar-award-winning professional failure in the supposed-comedy Boat Trip. [03-27-03]

The Quiet American (R): Love serves as the metaphor for the creeping American involvement in Vietnam in The Quiet American, a movie based on the Graham Greene novel.

[03-13-03]

Tears of the Sun (R): Bruce Willis leads a squad of Navy SEALS sucked into an African civil war in the admirable effort of a war movie, Tears of the Sun. [03-13-03]

Bringing Down the House (PG-13): Queen Latifah was nominated for an Oscar and couldn't possibly need money so badly that she'd voluntarily star in Bringing Down the House (an alleged comedy with Steve Martin), could she?

[03-13-03]

Real Women Have Curves (PG-13): Chubby Mexican-American Ana learns to appreciate herself inside and out in the family comedy/drama Real Women Have Curves.

[03-06-03]

Cradle 2 the Grave (R): Rap and hot guys and kicking and chick fights and more rap and fast driving and more kicking-ahhh, mindless action is good in Cradle 2 the Grave. [03-06-03]

Gods and Generals (PG-13): Ted Turner presents the world's most expensive Civil War reenactment in the never-ending Gods and Generals, the prequel to Gettysburg. [02-27-03]

The Life of David Gale (R): Kevin Spacey breaks my heart by being in The Life of David Gale, yet another overly-sentimental, smack-you-in-the-face-with-the message diatribe. [02-27-03]

Old School (PG-13): Will Ferrell plays exactly the character we all thought he would post-"Saturday Night Live" while Luke Wilson and Vince Vaughn slum it in Old School, an Animal House for the mortgage-paying crowd. [02-27-03]

Daredevil (PG-13): Ben Affleck is a superhero with radar vision and an endearingly mediocre ability to convey emotion in the live action version of the Marvel comic, Daredevil. [02-20-03]

Talk to Her (R): Just in case you've forgotten why most people don't like foreign movies, the Spanish sorta-romance kinda-comedy Talk to Her from Pedro Almodovar, a man who has made actual good movies, is here to remind you. [02-20-03]

How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days (PG-13): The stupidity of women's magazines and the poor script choices made by Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson serve as the main themes in the aggressively odious romantic comedy How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. [02-13-03]

Shanghai Knights (PG-13): Jackie Chan and Owen Wilson don't know how to leave well enough alone in Shanghai Knights, the sequel to the moderately entertaining Shanghai Noon. [02-13-03]

Deliver Us from Eva (R): Edward Norton and Spike Lee struggle with unfulfilled promise and the loss of normality in the smart and brutal 25th Hour. [02-13-03]

25th Hour (R): Edward Norton and Spike Lee struggle with unfulfilled promise and the loss of normality in the smart and brutal 25th Hour. [02-06-03]

Biker Boyz (PG-13): Shakespearean power struggles meet Greek tragedy-style familial drama in the dirt-caked, speed-addicted Biker Boyz. [02-06-03]

The Pianist (R): A master musician endures the horrors of the Holocaust in 1940s Warsaw in The Pianist, the stark and unsentimental movie by Roman Polanski. [02-06-03]

The Recruit (R): Al Pacino hoo-has through another performance as an old-timer with a possibly ambiguous moral code who takes some young scrapper under his wing in the spy thriller The Recruit. [02-06-03]

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind (R): Chuck Barris kills the culture with game show and international spies with a gun in the faux biopic Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, based on Barris'-probably-highly fictional autobiography. [01-30-03]

Chicago (PG-13): Catherine Zeta-Jones sings! Renee Zellweger dances! Richard Gere is not annoying! All in the big shiny glamorous musical Chicago. [01-30-03]

Darkness Falls (PG-13): Emma "Anya from 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'" Caulfield gets her shot at the big time in the horror movie Darkness Falls. [01-30-03]

The Hours(PG-13): Three women in three time periods "Mrs. Dalloway" their way through a pivotal day in their lives in The Hours, a movie based on Michael Cunningham's novel. [01-30-03]

Kangaroo Jack (PG): Two friends go on a mob errand to Australia and must chase down an errant kangaroo to get back some misplaced loot. [01-23-03]

National Security (PG-13): Steve Zahn does the best impression ever of a constipated man in the buddy/cop comedy National Security. [01-23-03]

A Guy Thing (PG-13): Jason Lee is the poor man's Ben Affleck in the half-witted yet oddly diverting, not-terribly-romantic comedy A Guy Thing. [01-23-03]

Adaptation (R): Charlie Kaufman wrote a movie about Charlie Kaufman writing a movie based on the book “The Orchid Thief” in Adaptation, the movie based on the book “The Orchid Thief.” [01-16-03]

About Schmidt (R): Jack Nicholson shows what happens when the Wal-Mart shopper meets the disappointing final chapter in a bland life in the bleakly funny About Schmidt. [01-09-03]

Gangs of New York (R): Leonardo DiCaprio is covered in dirt, dotted with blood, dressed in tattered peasant-wear, but still the prettiest little shaver ever in the historical fight club movie Gangs of New York, a Martin Scorsese special. [01-03-03]

Catch Me If You Can (PG-13): Leonardo DiCaprio plays a teenage boy playing an airline pilot, a doctor and a lawyer in the silky crime based-on-a-true-story caper Catch Me If You Can. [01-03-03]

Pinocchio (G): An attention-deficit-disorder-having puppet prattles his way through the audience-torturing, live-action, non-Disney version of the fairy tale Pinocchio. [01-03-03]

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (PG-13): The all-questing, all-fighting second act of J.R.R. Tolkien's Middle-earth trilogy comes to life in the beautifully gritty, wonderfully adventurous The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. [12-26-02]

Star Trek: Nemesis (PG-13): The Next Generation crew sets sail for what is probably the last time in Nemesis, episode 10 of the Star Trek series. [12-19-02]

Analyze That (R): Robert De Niro mugs and Billy Crystal cries in Analyze That, the sporadically funny but mostly stale sequel to Analyze This. [12-19-02]

Two Weeks Notice (PG-13): Hugh Grant is so charming! Sandra Bullock is so pretty! I’m so nauseous! It must be the romantic comedy Two Weeks Notice. [12-19-02]

The Hot Chick (PG-13): Rob Schneider knows what you think and clearly does not care as evident in his latest alleged comedy The Hot Chick. [12-12-02]

Maid in Manhattan (PG-13): J.Lo models the glass Manolo Blahniks in the Cinderella-meets-Vogue magazine fairy tale Maid in Manhattan. [12-12-02]

Cut to the chase: Sometimes the ads are better than the show, and sometimes the ads are the show. [12-12-02]

Solaris (PG-13): George Clooney cries like a little girl stuck in a thinky, slow-paced sci-fi movie in Solaris. [12-05-02]

Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights (PG-13): Singing cartoons, finding the true meaning of the holiday and Adam Sandler-no wait, come back Adam Sandler's Eight Crazy Nights is better than it sounds. [12-05-02]

Reconsidering Woody: Woody Allen the filmmaker has gotten a raw deal. [12-05-02]

Bowling for Columbine (R): Michael Moore uses his corporate embarrassment tactics to rattle the cages of various groups with ties to the big world of guns in his latest documentary, Bowling for Columbine. [12-05-02]

Die Another Day (PG-13): This time, our man from British intelligence (Pierce Brosnan) is working a weapons deal in North Korea. A mole blows his cover and 007 is captured and tortured in a hellish North Korea prison. When he gets out, M and his other bosses think he's let a few top-secret cats out of the NATO bag and they try to take him out of commission. [12-05-02]

The Emperor's Club (PG-13): Mr. Hundert (Kline) is a strict but beloved teacher of the classics at St. Benedict's School for Boys. [12-05-02]

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (PG): The famous young wizard returns for another year of magical adventures and battles with evil (not to mention another year of gigantic box office returns) in the sequel Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. [11-21-02]

8 Mile (R): Eminem is the new Elvis (as he tells us repeatedly) in the biopic-ish 8 Mile, the tale of a poor but gutsy white boy with something to prove in the world of rap. [11-14-02]

Femme Fatale (R): Laura (Romijn-Stamos) is a svelte con-girl who helps to take part in one of those endlessly complicated movie jewel-heists. [11-14-02]

Punch-Drunk Love (R): Adam Sandler is not, I repeat, not an annoying twit in the wonderfully warped romantic comedy (well, sort of) Punch-Drunk Love, a Paul Thomas Anderson special. [11-07-02]

Auto Focus (R): Greg Kinnear is a sex-crazed audio-visual equipment nerd in the Bob Crane biopic Auto Focus, a movie that uses its copious nudity for purely artistic purposes. [11-07-02]

I Spy (PG-13): Owen Wilson is the king of the ironic deadpan and Eddie Murphy takes another stab at playing that donkey from Shrek in the action comedy flick I Spy. [11-07-02]

Igby Goes Down (R): A too-smart teen follows a preppy road to genteel ruin in the who-wants-to-play-catcher-in-this-rye dark comedy Igby Goes Down. [10-31-02]

Ghost Ship (R): Julianna Margulies looks for a fortune-and her lost career-on a deserted Italian ocean liner in Ghost Ship. [10-31-02]

Jackass: The Movie (R): Johnny Knoxville was famous a thousand years ago and somehow finagled Jackass: The Movie, a vanity project based on his now-cancelled MTV show. [10-31-02]

The Truth About Charlie (PG-13): Why watch a classic movie when you can watch its mediocre remake, asks the Marky Mark version of Charade-The Truth About Charlie? [10-31-02]

Formula 51 (R): Samuel L. Jackson is so cool! And so hip! And so very, very wealthy! And so why is he in the action comedy Formula 51? [10-24-02]

Abandon (PG-13): Katie Holmes wants to be a big girl actress and move beyond "Dawson's Creek" with the psychological thriller Abandon (and by thrill, I mean mildly interesting). [10-24-02]

The Ring (PG-13): A spunky reporter tries to solve a teen's sudden, suspicious death and its connection to a creepy mysterious videotape in The Ring, the not-Fear Dot Com version of the media-that-kills-you story. [10-24-02]

White Oleander (PG-13): Artists do not take break-ups well, as demonstrated in the angsty drama White Oleander. [10-24-02]

Knockaround Guys (R): It's a tough knock life for the sons of mobsters who try to up their prestige by finding a lost sack of cash in the much-delayed (and now we know why) Knockaround Guys. [10-17-02]

The Rules of Attraction (R): The four-year orgy of sex and drugs that is college gets the Bret Easton Ellis treatment in the dark comedy The Rules of Attraction. [10-17-02]

The Transporter (PG-13): It's all kicking, all punching and all Jason Statham's fabulous bald head fun in the action comedy The Transporter. [10-17-02]

Red Dragon (R): Anthony Hopkins brings the fabulously evil Hannibal the Cannibal to life for the third time in the Silence of the Lambs prequel Red Dragon. [10-10-02]

Moonlight Mile (PG-13): Dustin Hoffman graduates from aimless youth to aimless youth's dad in the sap-tastic Moonlight Mile, a movie packed with early 1970s tunes and For Your Oscar Consideration moments. [10-10-02]

Sweet Home Alabama (PG-13): Reese Witherspoon smacks Julia Roberts with the romantic comedy glove and challenges her to an America's sweetheart duel in the gooey lovey movie Sweet Home Alabama. [10-03-02]

The Tuxedo (PG-13): Jackie Chan learns that the secret to superspy suaveness is a well-made suit in the action comedy The Tuxedo. [10-03-02]

Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever (R): Antonio Banderas and Lucy Liu star in Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever, a movie that wins the Worst Title Ever award. [10-03-02]

The Four Feathers (PG-13): Heath Ledger and Wes Bentley are lovers kept apart by the conventions of Victorian England and by the irritating presence of Kate Hudson in the wartime romance The Four Feathers. [09-26-02]

The Banger Sisters (R): Goldie Hawn and Susan Sarandon make us sad about the inevitable march of time and how it robs actresses of good roles in the godawful menopause movie The Banger Sisters. [09-26-02]

City by the Sea (R): Robert De Niro plays the Robert De Niro character (tough guy with a hidden sensitive core) in the based-on-a-true-story crime movie City by the Sea. [09-19-02]

Barbershop (PG-13): Ice Cube goes for the slice of life comedy in the Steel Magnolias-with-men movie Barbershop. [09-19-02]

Swim Fan (PG-13): The carnival of pain never ends in the suspense movie Swim Fan, a teenage retread of Fatal Attraction that rivals Deuces Wild for Worst Movie of the Year status. [09-19-02]

FearDotCom (R): Dim lighting and short-attention-span editing do not make up for a convoluted yet stupid plot and ham-and-cheese acting in the so-called horror movie FearDotCom. [09-12-02]

Tadpole (PG-13): Movie-newcomer Aaron Stanford is a smarty-pants with a thing for older chicks in Tadpole, the post-Graduate take on boy/woman romance. [09-12-02]

Serving Sara (PG-13): Matthew Perry Chandlers his way through another flat romantic comedy in Serving Sara. [09-05-02]

The Good Girl (R): Jennifer Aniston is a put-upon wife stuck in dead-end retail hell in the darkly funny movie The Good Girl. [09-05-02]

One Hour Photo (R): Robin Williams really wants to kill Patch Adams dead by playing another maladjusted freak in One Hour Photo, a movie that ought to encourage scores of digital camera purchases. [09-05-02]

Undisputed (R): It's "OZ" minus the character and story development with a big helping of ultimate fighting in the prison boxing movie Undisputed. [09-05-02]

Possession (PG-13): Timeless passion meets academic scholarship in Possession, the tale-based on the A.S. Byatt novel-of literary wonks investigating the romance between two writers a century and a half earlier. [08-29-02]

The Adventures of Pluto Nash (PG): Eddie Murphy channels Humphrey Bogart's Casablanca performance as the high voltage comedian plays the owner of a popular lunar gin joint who is on the run from a greedy mobster in The Adventures of Pluto Nash. [08-29-02]

Simone (PG-13): Al Pacino chews to shreds even the virtual scenery in Simone, the tale of a computer actress who becomes It Girl of the world. [08-29-02]

Harry Potter at Singer Park: If you've read any of the four Harry Potter books, you know that J. K. Rowling's books don't dumb down. [08-22-02]

Full Frontal (R): The lives of assorted entertainment industry types and hangers-on get the digital-camera-and-self-obsessed-dialogue treatment in the Steven Soderbergh movie Full Frontal. [08-22-02]

Blood Work (R): Clint Eastwood is a former FBI man with a bad ticker and a silly plot in Blood Work, the cops and killers movie based on the Michael Connelly novel. [08-22-02]

Blue Crush (PG-13): Athletic discipline gets smashed against the rocks of self-doubt, a summer fling, and a "Saved By The Bell" plot in Blue Crush, the Girls Can Surf! cheesefood August movie treat. [08-22-02]

Lovely and Amazing (R): Four women must deal with assorted bad choices and bad breaks in the quirky family drama Lovely and Amazing. [08-22-02]

The Wizard of Oz at Singer Park: A midwestern girl gets a kickin' pair of shoes and some kind friends to help her ward off a witch and flying monkeys and find a way to get home in the 1939 masterpiece of color and sound, The Wizard of Oz. [08-15-02]

XXX (PG-13): Vin Diesel is the X-treme-sport-and-low-rent-tattooed-sexiness answer to James Bond in the action spy flick XXX, possibly the most cleverly made things-go-boom movie ever. [08-15-02]

The Master of Disguise (PG): Dana Carvey is an Italian-accented man-child who finds out about his family's secret legacy in The Master of Disguise. [08-15-02]

Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams (PG): The Cortez family of secret agents returns in Spy Kids 2: The Island of Lost Dreams, another adventure for the pint-size sibling duo of Carmen and Juni. [08-15-02]

Signs (PG-13): Mel Gibson is a gloomy Pennsylvania farmer who wakes up to find some decidedly uncornlike activity on the part of his crop fields in the M. Night Shyamalan thriller Signs. [08-08-02]

The Country Bears (G): Not content with just annoying theme-park-goers with saccharine rides and pre-packaged fun, Disney brings the irritation to a theater near you with the DisneyWorld attraction tie-in The Country Bears. [08-01-02]

Austin Powers in Goldmember (PG-13): Mike Myers shakes his money maker one more time as the dentally-challenged, groovy-baby, English spy in Austin Powers in Goldmember, part three in the free love and poop jokes espionage-movies-parody series. [08-01-02]

K-19: The Widowmaker (PG-13): Harrison Ford makes a good effort at affecting a Russian accent and looking even grimmer that normal in the Cold War era action drama K-19: The Widowmaker, one of those based-on-a-true-story movies. [07-25-02]

Eight Legged Freaks (PG-13): Giant spiders and David Arquette invade a down-on-its-luck mining town with hee-larious results in Eight Legged Freaks, a movie that wants you, no, begs you to laugh at it. [07-25-02]

Stuart Little 2 (PG): Michael J. Fox and company go after your kid for another eight bucks in Stuart Little 2, the sequel to the 1999 movie about a talking mouse and his adopted family. [07-25-02]

Road to Perdition (R): Tom Hanks wants to be more than the guy who Ran, Forrest, Ran by serving out some retribution, mob-style, in Road to Perdition, a beautiful American movie directed by Sam Mendes. [07-18-02]

Reign of Fire (PG-13): Christian Bale and Matthew McConaughey team up to wear grungy clothes, sport scruffy-sexy facial hair, say macho things and fight dragons in Reign of Fire, a movie that both has dragons and takes itself seriously. [07-18-02]

Halloween: Resurrection (R): Slash. Stab. Scream. Yawn. Yet another 1980s horror series tries to squeeze one last dime out of its trademark in Halloween: Resurrection. [07-18-02]

The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course (PG): Steve Irwin and the world's most patient wife recreate their deadly-animal-pestering television show for the big screen in The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course. [07-18-02]

Shrek- A movie worth seeing outside at Singer Family Park: For once, family entertainment entertains the family in Shrek (PG), a smart-aleck computer-generated fairy tale. [07-18-02]

Men In Black II (PG-13): Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones are together again. To fight aliens and save the earth, again. And play straight men to sight gags involving alien goo, again. And make lots of money during the July 4 weekend, again. All in Again With the Men in Black, I mean, Men in Black II. [07-11-02]

The Powerpuff Girls Movie (PG): Bubbles, Blossom and Buttercup zap their pastel crime fighting powers onto the big screen in The Powerpuff Girls Movie, a longer version of the Cartoon Network show. [07-11-02]

Like Mike (PG): It’s a hard-knock life for Lil’ Bow Wow, an orphan whose sneakers help him play basketball like Michael Jordan in Like Mike. [07-11-02]

Hey Arnold! The Movie (PG): A Picasso-headed boy and his Kid N Play refugee friend try to save their neighborhood from being redeveloped into a mall in the cartoon Hey Arnold! The Movie, based on the Nickelodeon show. [07-04-02]

Mr. Deeds (PG-13): You can give it a bath, put it in a nice suit and comb its hair, but an Adam Sandler movie is still an Adam Sandler movie, as we learn in Mr. Deeds. [07-04-02]

Minority Report (PG-13): Tom Cruise doesn't suck! Steven Spielberg sticks his ending! Many other surprises await you in the smart science fiction movie Minority Report. [06-27-02]

Lilo & Stitch (PG): Disney wants to remind you that it can still rule the world of hand-drawn animation with Lilo & Stitch, the very sweetsy but still endearing tale of a Hawaiian girl and her scary blue alien pet. [06-27-02]

Juwanna Mann (PG-13): A cocky basketball player learns humility and teamwork when he's forced to play on a chick team, Tootsie-style, in Juwanna Mann. [06-27-02]

Scooby-Doo (PG): Buffy helps the original Scooby Gang solve mysteries in Scooby-Doo, a live action/CGI version of the cartoon. [06-20-02]

The Bourne Identity (PG-13): Matt Damon is a highly skilled, butt-kicking machine who can't remember any of the details of his life or why so many people are trying to kill him in The Bourne Identity, a slick action flick. [06-20-02]

Windtalkers (R): Navajos save the world by creating an unbreakable code in Windtalkers, a World War II drama. [06-20-02]

Take two: Star Wars: Episode II-Attack of the Clones vs. Spider-Man: A troubled young man. A world in peril. A girl in peril. Snazzy weapons and nifty costumes. A fan base with the cash and patience for countless viewings. Both Attack of the Clones and Spider-Man want your butt back in the stadium seating multiple times, but which deserves a second look? [06-13-02]

Bad Company (PG-13): Chris Rock and Anthony Hopkins must save the world and a weak script in the spy comedy Bad Company. [06-13-02]

The Importance of Being Earnest (PG): Reese Witherspoon and Frances O'Connor want Rupert Everett and Colin Firth to honestly be Ernest in The Importance of Being Earnest, the most recent adaptation of the Oscar Wilde play. [06-13-02]

Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood (PG-13): Ashley Judd is crazy, Ellen Burstyn is over-dressed and Sandra Bullock has a very nice manicure in the new movie Southerners Say the Darnedest Things...I mean, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. [06-13-02]

Undercover Brother (PG-13): If a parody leans on the same lame stereotypes it claims to skewer, is it still a parody or just a clever repackaging of a familiar lousy product? Such is the question posed by the comedy Undercover Brother. [06-06-02]

The Sum of All Fears (PG-13): For everybody who finds the India/Pakistan conflict too tame and nonviolent, let me introduce you to The Sum of All Fears, the adaptation of Tom Clancy's nuclear terrorism suspense tale. [06-06-02]

Mel Brooks has more Spaceballs than George Lucas: The biggest problem with Star Wars: Episode II-Attack of the Clones is the movie's lack of humanity. Cold and dry, the humans were as droid-like as R2D2, more so when you consider the sass-back quality of his beeps. [05-30-02]

Insomnia (R): Al Pacino is in sore need of a Tylenol PM, a glass of warm milk and some eyeshades in Insomnia, a detective story set in the round-the-clock sunshine of an Alaskan spring. [05-30-02]

Thirteen Conversations About One Thing (R): It's six degrees of bad luck as the unfortunate events of one person touch several heretofore unconnected people in Thirteen Conversations About One Thing. [05-30-02]

About a Boy (PG-13): Nick Hornby is the coolest guy ever and proves it with About a Boy, a love letter about friends and responsibility and, oh yeah, a damn fine comedy. [05-23-02]

Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (G): Noble horses and Bryan Adams show us the tragic side of how the West was won in the freaky little animated feature Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron. [05-23-02]

Enough (PG-13): J. Lo lays the smackdown on her abusive husband in Enough, a TV-movie-of-the-week for the big screen. [05-23-02]

The New Guy (PG-13): DJ Qualls dyes his hair and becomes the coolest kid in school (defined very loosely) in The New Guy, a (probably unintentional) teen movie parody. [05-23-02]

Star Wars: Episode II-Attack of the Clones (PG): George Lucas tries to redeem himself to fan-boys with the darker Star Wars: Episode II-Attack of the Clones, now with 90 percent less Jar Jar Binks. [05-23-02]

Unfaithful (R): Cheating is bad, French men are sexy and Richard Gere is a big goober in Unfaithful, a brilliant study of the blindingly obvious. [05-16-02]

Star Wars: Episode II preview: By the time you read this, scores of sleep-deprived geeks and movie junkies (myself and maybe you included) already will have seen Star Wars: Episode II-Attack of the Clones. [05-16-02]

Spider-Man (PG-13): The Marvel comic book comes alive in Spider-Man, a bright and shiny yet wonderfully angst-ridden story about Peter Parker and his Spidey abilities. [05-09-02]

Deuces Wild (R): High pompadours and improbable Brooklyn accents abound in Deuces Wild, a godawful yet hilarious period drama about 1950s street gangs. [05-09-02]

Hollywood Ending (PG-13): Woody Allen Woody Allens his way through yet another mish-mash of failure, sex and assorted neuroses in Hollywood Ending. [05-09-02]

Jason X (R): Jason, that killer of Friday the 13th, returns to terrorize space travelers in 2455 in Jason X, the most boring horror movie ever. [05-02-02]

Life or Something Like It (PG-13): Angelina Jolie ditches her bad girl persona for the story of a bantering-on-the-outside/crying-on-the-inside newsgirl in Life or Something Like It, a movie where Jolie’s hair clearly out-acts the rest of the cast. [05-02-02]

The Cat’s Meow (R): William Randolph Hearst ruled the world, but did he have a hand in a Hollywood death? The Cat’s Meow, a stylish period comic mystery, gives its version of the rumor. [04-25-02]

Murder by Numbers (R): Sandra Bullock tracks two ridiculously urbane killers in Murder by Numbers, a surprisingly unsucky thriller. [04-25-02]

The Scorpion King (PG-13): The Rock cooks up a big pot of mindless franchise in The Scorpion King, the tangentially The Mummy Returns-related vehicle that tries to sell the WWF star as an action hero. [04-25-02]

The Sweetest Thing (R): Girls can make gross-out comedies too! proves Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate and Selma Blair in The Sweetest Thing, a movie that makes the required amount of semen, oral sex and wiener jokes. [04-25-02]

Human Nature (R): Patricia Arquette is a hirsute nature girl torn between a feral Rhys Ifans and a repressed Tim Robbins in Human Nature, a comedy that seeks to wedge in a little lesson about the joys of freedom, sex and three-way narration. [04-18-02]

Frailty (R): Matthew McConaughey is in need of a shave and a better script in Frailty, a violent, possibly supernatural thriller. [04-18-02]

Changing Lanes (R): Ben Affleck and Samuel L. Jackson play dueling Jesuses after a car accident sets them down a path of suffering in the bizarrely comic Changing Lanes. [04-18-02]

Kissing Jessica Stein (R): Unlucky with men, a New York gal decides to try love with a fellow femme in Kissing Jessica Stein, a romantic comedy. [04-10-02]

High Crimes (PG-13): Ashley Judd and Morgan Freeman show the military justice system who's boss (not them) in High Crimes, a movie that's got your government conspiracy, your woman in peril and your courtroom scenes involving yelling. [04-10-02]

Big Trouble (PG-13): Dave Barry leaps from the world of newspapers, books and television to grab a little piece of the movie business pie with Big Trouble, the film adaptation of his first work of fiction. [04-10-02]

Panic Room (R): Jodie Foster defends her ridiculously large home from three bumbling robbers in Panic Room. [04-04-02]

National Lampoon's Van Wilder (R): Breaking new ground with biting social commentary and Noel Cowardesque wit, National Lampoon's Van Wilder journeys to the seldom-visited Wilderness of Dick and Fart jokes in this latest college gross-out comedy, teen sex romp thing. [04-04-02]

Death to Smoochy (R): Robin Williams is a deranged former children's show host in seek of revenge on Edward Norton, his Barney-like replacement, in Death to Smoochy, a dark not-for-children comedy. [04-04-02]

E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (PG): Because Steven Spielberg doesn't yet own the entire world, E.T. The Extra Terrestrial is set to bring in a fresh sack of cash as it returns to theaters for a 20th

anniversary re-release. [03-28-02]

Sorority Boys (R): Michael Rosenbaum kills some time and earns some money in Sorority Boys, a movie chock full of stupid and double dipped in idiocy for extra moron flavor. [03-28-02]

Blade 2 (R): Wesley Snipes kicks a little undead rear end as the vampire/human hybrid Blade in Blade II, the sequel to the 1998 comic book adaptation. [03-28-02]

Ice Age (PG): Wise-cracking prehistoric animals journey to return a helpless yet adorable baby human to its "herd" in Ice Age, the latest in computer-animated children's movies looking to lay the smackdown on the Disney cartoon empire. [03-21-02]

Showtime (PG-13): It's 'Cops' meets 'The Real World'/'48 Hours' meets '15 Minutes'/'Starsky and Hutch' meets 'Blind Date' as Robert De Niro and Eddie Murphy play reality TV cops in Showtime. [03-21-02]

Harrison's Flowers (R): Andie MacDowell trudges through war, death and unflattering lighting in early 1990s Yugoslavia in search of her presumed-dead photographer husband in a movie that suffers from, among other things, really bad timing. [03-21-02]

Dragonfly (PG-13): Kevin Costner is just not good at picking scripts and proves that again with Dragonfly, an overwrought love-beyond-the-grave supernatural thriller. 03-14-02]

All About The Benjamins (R): Ice Cube kicks butt with style in the action comedy All About the Benjamins, a phrase that went out of use a good five years ago. [03-14-02]

The Time Machine (PG-13): Don't mess with time or time will leave you stranded in jungle full of ugly monkey-people who want to eat you: such is the central message of The Time Machine. [03-14-02]

Mutual Admiration Society (not rated): On March 1, I settled into my seat at the UNH Manchester auditorium with a few friends for a free screening of Mutual Admiration Society, a film written and directed by local filmmaker Adam Reed. [03-07-02]

Monsters Ball (R): Billy Bob Thornton and Halle Berry are the saddest Southerners ever in Monster's Ball, a wonderfully painful story of messed up romance. [03-07-02]

We Were Soldiers (R): Mel Gibson leads a swarm of young actors once more into the breach in We Were Soldiers, a movie as interminable as the Vietnam War itself. [03-07-02]

Queen of the Damned (R): The eroticism of death, homosexual subtext and the campy flamboyance of un-dead scenery chewing-Queen of the Damned has it all! [02-28-02]

Scotland, PA (R): The King of Scotland becomes the king of burgers in Scotland, PA, a very loose and wonderfully wicked little adaptation of William Shakespeare's "Macbeth." [02-28-02]

40 Days and 40 Nights (R): It's erections and lube for everyone in the limp sex comedy 40 Days and 40 Nights. [02-28-02]

Hart's War: Bruce Willis is the coolest kid in the Stalag in Hart's War, a gloomy prisoner of war/racial injustice movie. [02-21-02]

John Q.: For all none of you who haven't heard, HMOs are evil, making Denzel Washington a sick boy's only hope for life in John Q. [02-21-02]

Collateral Damage: Because you need a break from the grim realities of the "new normal," Arnold Schwarzenegger plays a heartbroken firefighter hunting international terrorists in the slightly offensive, extremely stupid Collateral Damage. [02-14-02]

Rollerball: A bloody sport mixing motorcycles, stunt roller-skating and pinball offers some X-treme athlete-types stardom, cash and maybe death in Rollerball, a remake of the 1975 film. [02-14-02]

Birthday Girl: Ben Chaplin illustrates the dangers of Internet commerce in Birthday Girl, a movie that also shows Nicole Kidman's hair color versatility. [02-07-02]

Slackers: Please tell me Jason Schwartzman was just paying some bills when he agreed to be in Slackers, a horrible new low in teen movies. [02-07-02]

The Count of Monte Cristo:James Caviezel and Guy Pearce swashbuckle through a tale of betrayal and revenge in the most recent adaptation of Alexandre Dumas' "The Count of Monte Cristo." [02-31-02]

I Am Sam :It's strawberry fields across the universe for Sean Penn in the Oscar-ready I Am Sam, the story of a mentally challenged dad fighting to keep his daughter. [02-31-02]

In the Bedroom: Tom Wilkinson and Sissy Spacek plead for Oscar consideration in a movie awash in sadness and South Boston-like accents. [02-24-02]

Gosford Park: Robert Altman hits a dark comedy bull's-eye with this P.G. Wodehouse After Dark-style tale of murder and class in early 1930s England. [02-24-02]

Black Hawk Down: Ridley Scott and Jerry Bruckheimer bring us a surprisingly not-horrible war movie, based on the true story of a 1993 raid gone bad in Somalia which resulted in 18 American dead. [02-24-02]

The Shipping News: Kevin Spacey needs a better agent than the one that put him in The Shipping News, a Lifetime-style drama about a broken family, harboring various secrets, that returns to the ancestral home in Newfoundland. [02-17-02]

Orange County: Colin Hanks does his daddy proud as a young writer desperate to leave home in Orange County, a slightly smarter teen-like comedy. [02-17-02]

Behind Enemy Lines: Owen Wilson is a Navy of one in Behind Enemy Lines, the longest military recruitment commercial ever. Remember those Navy commercials with planes taking off from an aircraft carrier to the soundtrack of angry boy rock? Behind Enemy Lines is the extended remix of that commercial. [12-06-01]

Spy Game: Intergenerational hotties match their machismo in a James Bond-y tale of late 20th century international strife and the importance of good lighting. [11-29-01]

Sidewalks of New York: New Yorkers talk about sex and relationships - wow, how novel - in the occasionally funny, occasionally full of itself Sidewalks of New York. [11-29-01]

Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone: A zillion kids and a jillion adults bow to the unstoppable combination of mega-marketing and actual solid storytelling and become one with the Big Dog movie of the year based on the first Potter novel by J.K. Rowling. [11-22-01]

The Man Who Wasn't There: Billy Bob Thorton is a taciturn man (with an inner monologue that won't shut up) in a dark smarty-pants comedy from the Coen brothers. [11-15-01]

Heist: Gene Hackman wants to take his boat and his babe and sail to warm, extradition-proof waters, but blackmail forces him to pull one last job in Heist, written and directed by David Mamet. [11-15-01]

Shallow Hal : Gwyneth Paltrow is a fat girl and Jack Black is a geeky stud muffin in Shallow Hal, a Farrelly Brothers, you know, comedy thing. [11-08-01]

Monsters, Inc.: Disney tries to lay the smackdown on Dreamworks with Monsters, Inc., which features one-eyed wise-cracking monsters and a Steve Buscemi sighting plus Jedi knights and naked birds. [11-08-01]

The Last Castle: Robert Redford eats 50 eggs while his buddies steal Queeg's frozen strawberries in an amazingly self-important prison drama. [11-01-01]

K-PAX: Kevin Spacey, a guy in need of a new agent, is in another one of those enjoy-the-small-miracles-of-life/look-at-all-we-can-learn-from-crazy-people nuggets of cinema. [11-01-01]

From Hell: Johnny Depp is a brilliant, haunted inspector (and quite the brooding hottie) on the hunt for Jack the Ripper. [10-25-01]

Iron Monkey : He is a defender of the poor and the downtrodden. He fights the injustice of the corrupt rulers and the evil fighting monks. He can defeat a swarm of kung-fu foes with one kick. He makes a mean pasta dish.

He is the Iron Monkey. [10-18-01]

Corky Romano: Getting a cavity filled and doing your taxes will cost more money, but both will cause less pain than sitting through Corky Romano, which is, allegedly, a comedy. [10-18-01]

Bandits: Bruce Willis gets the best hats but Billy Bob Thornton steals the day in a caper comedy/kidnapping romance. [10-11-01]

Training Day: Denzel Washington tries to shake his Tom Hanks image by playing the bad cop in a good cop, bad cop drama. [10-11-01]

Serendipity: John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale are meant to be but fate and some overly-complicated story construction keeps them apart in the romantic comedy Serendipity. [10-04-01]

Zoolander: Ben Stiller cements his mainstream popularity with a comedy mocking the self-mocked world of male

models. [10-04-01]

The Glass House: The talented Leelee Sobieski kills time until she can start getting the Helen Hunt roles in The Glass House, a suspense movie about kids inherited by some creepy guardians. [09-20-01]

The Curse of the Jade Scorpion: Woody Allen stars in The Curse of the Jade Scorpion, a film that really wants you to know that it is, in fact, from Woody Allen and, therefore, funny. [08-30-01]

Tortilla Soup: Hector Elizondo is the empty-nest-fearing father of three grown daughters in Tortilla Soup, an American version of Ang Lee’s Eat Drink Man Woman. [08-30-01]

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back: Jay and Silent Bob -who, despite having met God, continue to hang out at the same convenience store in Red Bank, New Jersey - set out for Hollywood, along the way getting tangled up in a jewel heist, a monkey theft and the sequel to Good Will Hunting. [08-23-01]

Rat Race: It’s a mad mad mad mad world in Rat Race, a movie where a bunch of wacky nutty people compete for a sack full of money. [08-16-01]

American Pie 2: It’s all sex all the time in American Pie 2, a movie that also saves a few moments for nudity, innuendo and drunken orgies. [08-16-01]

Sexy Beast: Ben Kingsley is a raving lunatic in Sexy Beast, another one of those skewed British gangster movies. [08-09-01]

Original Sin: Angelina Jolie and Antonio Banderas have lots of sex and model pretty clothes in Original Sin, a movie that also features some really nice furniture. [08-09-01]

The Princess Diaries: Julie Andrews doesn’t sing, but she still shines in The Princess Diaries, a Disney movie (but not in an evil way) based on the book by Meg Cabot. [08-02-01]

Planet of the Apes: Tim Burton “reimagines” the 1968 Charlton Heston camp classic-with Mark Wahlberg as his lead-in Planet of the Apes, a really expensive B-movie. [08-02-01]

Made: Jon Favreau and Vince Vaughn are still quite money in Made, a violent good time from Favreau, the writer/ director of Swingers. [07-26-01]

America’s Sweethearts: Julia Roberts is fat and ugly in America’s Sweethearts, a movie that also includes flying pigs, a big snowball fight on the ski slopes in Hell and other equally probable situations. [07-26-01]

The Score: Robert De Niro, like a good wine, can make everything better as he proves again in The Score, a one-last-caper movie which also features a freaky supporting role from Marlon Brando. [07-19-01]

Legally Blonde: Ugly people pick on poor Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde, a movie that shows all the different ways you can work the color pink into your wardrobe. [07-12-01]

Baby Boy :Tyrese Gibson lives in a state of perpetual adolescence in Baby Boy, a movie from Boyz in the Hood writer/director/producer John Singleton. [07-05-01]

AI: Artificial Intelligence: Haley Joel Osment is a creepy little doll in A.I.: Artificial Intelligence, a movie from the mind of Stanley Kubrick and the market know-how of Steven Spielberg. [07-05-01]

The Fast and the Furious: Vin Diesel shows off his arm muscles and his ability to grimace in The Fast and the Furious, a surprisingly unsubtle movie about illegal car racing. [06-28-01]

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider: A popular video game, Masonic symbolism, Eastern philosophy and Angelina Jolie’s enormous mouth melt together in the crazy kick-punch world of Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, a movie that really likes its quick cuts and slow-mo shots. [06-21-01]

Evolution: David Duchovny wants to be funny in Evolution, a sci-fi parody from Ghostbusters director Ivan Rietman. I mention the Ghostbusters connection because in this movie a bunch of bubbling half-wits with a passing knowledge of science and an unconventional car pretty much save the world. Also, the bad guys end up covered in goo. [06-14-01]

The Animal: What would Andy Warhol do, asks The Animal, a movie that officially represents minute 16 for first-season “Survivor” star Colleen Haskell. [06-07-01]

Pearl Harbor: A marketing blitzkrieg and a lack of credible competition forced a nation of holiday weekend movie-goers to see Pearl Harbor, a movie longer than the actual attack which feels twice as long as the whole freaking world war. [05-31-01]

Moulin Rouge: Ewan McGregor and Nicole Kidman are Fred-and-Ginger on ecstasy in Moulin Rouge, a crazy fun song and dance extravaganza from Romeo + Juliet director Baz Luhrmann. [05-31-01]

About Adam: Kate Hudson has a funny accent in About Adam, a weird romantic comedy. [05-17-01]

The Mummy Returns: Brendan Fraser is Indiana Jones goofy younger brother in The Mummy Returns, the money-making sequel to 1999's The Mummy. [05-17-01]

A Knight's Tale: Heath Ledger is the new Leonardo DiCaprio (with a dash of John Travolta) in A Knight’s Tale, a movie offering historical proof that the band Queen has been rocking you for centuries. [05-10-01]

One Night at McCool's: A bunch of old men drool over obvious trouble-girl Liv Tyler in One Night at McCool's, a crime caper comedy that is more icky than funny. [05-03-01]

Bridget Jones's Diary: Renee Zellweger is the Queen of the Singletons in Bridget Jones’s Diary, the long awaited movie based on Helen Fielding’s best-selling story of a single girl in London. [04-12-01]

Superman: It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a remastered movie classic - it's Superman, the 1978 adaptation of the comic book adventures re-released for a new generation of movie-goers. [04-05-01]

Someone Like You: Ashley Judd prowls for a man in Someone Like You, a movie that demonstrates the peril of employing the charming Hugh Jackman and then neglecting to make good use of him. [03-29-01]

Pollock: Ed Harris inhabits American painter Jackson Pollock in the aptly named Pollock, a movie Harris also directed. [03-22-01]

Enemy at the Gates: Jude Law and Joseph Fiennes fight the Nazis while looking ruggedly handsome in Enemy at the Gates, a movie about the poor quality of communist tailoring. [03-22-01]

Heartbreakers: Jennifer Love Hewitt returns from what-ever-happened-to land to play a slutty con girl in Heartbreakers, a movie that is also a bad career move for Sigourney Weaver and Ray Liotta. [03-22-01]

15 Minutes: Media is evil, cops are dedicated to the point of insanity and America loves fame in 15 Minutes, a movie from the We Get It Already school of filmmaking. [03-15-01]

The Mexican: Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts collide to form the perfect demographic storm in The Mexican, a movie demonstrating the importance of setting reasonable expectations. [03-08-01]

Sweet November: The Rule of Keanu holds steady in Sweet November, a movie that will make you bleed from the ears. [02-22-01]

Down to Earth: Chris Rock is black comedian trapped in the body of an old rich white man in Down To Earth, a remake of Heaven Can Wait. [02-22-01]

Head Over Heels: Monica Potter and Freddie Prinze Jr. are as cute as a couple of dimwitted Teletubbies in Head Over Heels, a movie about the difficulties of walking in high heels.[02-08-01]

Saving Silverman: Neil Diamond gets his 15 minutes of kitsch in Saving Silverman, a movie that is sure to increase sales of "America" singles.[02-08-01]

Valentine: David Boreanaz is either a drunken hottie or a deranged psycho in Valentine, a slasher movie sadly lacking in Angelus's billowy coat and leather pants wardrobe-of-evil. [02-08-01]

All the Pretty Horses: Matt Damon is a not-so-long tall Texan in love with the not-quite-Mexican Penelope Cruz in All the Pretty Horses, a movie that does in fact have quite a few pretty horses. [01-11-01]

O Brother, Where Art Thou? George Clooney channels Clark Gable in O Brother, Where Art Thou?, another quirk-fest from Joel and Ethan Coen. [01-11-01]

Traffic: The drug war yields few heroes in Traffic, a movie perfectly made for Oscar consideration. [01-11-01]

Finding Forrester: Sean Connery is a Scottish J. D. Salinger in Finding Forrester, a movie about writing and how it can get you laid. [01-04-01]

Into the Arms of Strangers: Stories of the Kindertransport: Child refugees from the Holocaust give their stories in the documentary Into the Arms of Strangers: Stories of the Kindertransport. [01-04-01]

Quills: Pornography disguised as art (or vice versa) and philosophy laid out in lurid terms (or immorality molded into a philosophy) fill the overheated plot of Quills, the Spectravision version of Shakespeare in Love. [01-04-01]

You Can Count On Me: Laura Linney tries to save her brother (who may or may not need it) even as her own life turns a little screwy in You Can Count On Me, a damn fine family story. [01-04-01]

Cast Away: Tom Hanks gets his ass kicked actorily-speaking by a volley ball in Cast Away, a movie about the dedication of the Fed Ex staff. [12-29-00]

Chocolat: Chocolate make happy; Catholicism make guilty — such are the lessons of Chocolat, the fairy tale about a Mayan French girl and her truffles. [12-29-00]

Wes Craven Presents Dracula 2000: Despite a serious lacking in Spike, vampires have blood-filled, snarly fun in Wes Craven's Dracula 2000, another unintentionally funny horror movie. [12-29-00]

Just Looking: Young teens talk about sex in Just Looking, a movie certain to be dubbed Costanza: the Early Years. [12-29-00]

Dude, Where's My Car?: Dude, Where's My Agent and Why Does He Hate Me? would be a better title for Dude, Where's My Car?, a movie that seems like a bad piece of High Times reader fiction from a stoned fan of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventures. [12-21-00]

The Emperor's New Groove: David Spade plays against type as a jackass in The Emperor's New Groove, a surprisingly watchable Disney movie. [12-21-00]

Miss Congeniality: Like David Duchovny before him, Benjamin Bratt makes the FBI look like a living Hugo Boss ad in Miss Congeniality, a movie about how helpful it is to be pretty. [12-21-00]

What Women Want: Mel Gibson ironically declines to show his bare ass in What Women Want, a movie that continues the downward slide of Oscar winner Helen Hunt. [12-21-00]

Vertical Limit: Chris O'Donnell and Robin Tunney put fashion before reality in "Vertical Limit", a movie that needs a strong dose of suspension of disbelief. [12-15-00]

Dungeons and Dragons: Jeremy Irons wants to rule a poorly illustrated cartoon kingdom in Dungeons and Dragons, a Battlefield Earth for the Magic crowd. [12-14-00]

Family Man: Nicholas Cage could have had a wonderful life in The Family Man, a movie made especially for CBS's 2001 holiday lineup. [12-14-00]

Sound and Fury: Parents debate whether deafness is a handicap or a cultural characteristic in Sound and Fury, a documentary about parents, children and the cochlear implant. [12-14-00]

Proof of Life: Russell Crowe tries to rescue a kidnapped Yankee from the rebels of one of those mountainous South American countries in Proof of Life, a movie about how a small scar on a man's eyebrow can double his sex appeal. [12-07-00]

Requiem for a Dream: Alterna-cool film-making and rampant drug use collide in Requiem for a Dream, a movie about the evils of both. [12-07-00]

Forget the dream, have some Pi: Requiem for a Dream is not just a depressing and pretentious movie about junkies, it's also the second film from Darren Aronofksy, the writer/director of Pi.

Requiem for a Dream shares many of Pi's indie elements. As so often happens, however, that which makes you cool when you are young can make you irritating as time goes by. What was raw in Pi became a prefabricated raw in Requiem. [12-07-00]

Two Family House: Married guy meets single mother girl in Two Family House. A romantic movie, you ask? Fuggetaboudit. [12-07-00]

The Broken Hearts Club: Friends meets Swingers and everybody's gay - this was probably the pitch for The Broken Hearts Club, an indie movie about looking for love and happiness in West Hollywood. [11-30-00]

Smiling Fish and Goat on Fire: Two brothers look for love in Los Angeles (good luck) in Smiling Fish and Goat on Fire, another one of those charming indie films. [11-30-00]

Unbreakable: Bruce Willis, either superhuman or super lucky, in Unbreakable, the sequel-like non sequel to M. Night Shyamalan's The Sixth Sense. [11-27-00]

Billy Elliot: Billy Elliot is the sort of movie that bludgeons you over the head with

its good will. [11-27-00]

Bounce: Full of romance novel cheese, Bounce does have its positives. [11-27-00]

Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas: Except for a completely unnecessary song with Cindy Lou, How the Grinch Stole Christmas keeps up the pace and doesn't drag. [11-27-00]

The 6th Day: Get twice Arnold Schwarzenegger with half the acting ability in The 6th

Day. [11-27-00]

Bamboozled: Television executives ride the thin line of satire with a minstrel show in Bamboozled, a new movie by Spike Lee. [11-16-00]

Little Nicky: Adam Sandler is the spawn of the devil - which explains a lot, careerwise - in Little Nicky, a movie that, did I mention, stars Adam Sandler. [11-16-00]

Men of Honor: Cuba Gooding Jr. wants to be a Navy diver in Men Of Honor, a two hour Navy recruiting commercial. [11-16-00]

Red Planet: Val Kilmer and Carrie-Anne Moss take a trip to the fourth planet from the sun in Red Planet, a movie that answers the question "After the suckfest of Mission to Mars, do we really need another movie about Mars?" [11-16-00]

Charlie's Angels: Once upon a time, three little girls kicked ass in a retro disco wardrobe in Charlie's Angels, another movie from an old television show. [11-09-00]

The Legend of Bagger Vance: Will Smith, Matt Damon and Charlize Theron take on Oscar nomination-inviting Southern accents for the golf lover's The Legend of Bagger Vance, a movie about nice pants and how handsome men look in them. [11-09-00]

The Yards: There's no corruption like New York corruption in The Yards, a movie starring former Funky Buncher Mark Wahlberg as a kid trying to say on the straight and narrow. [11-09-00]

Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows: More stick figures, more legends and more idiot kids running around in the woods fill the shaky plot of Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows, a movie proving that just because you CAN make a sequel doesn't mean you SHOULD make a sequel. [11-02-00]

The Nightmare Before Christmas: Jack Skellington wants to be the king of Halloween and Christmas in The Nightmare Before Christmas, the 1993 Tim Burton animated musical which is being re-released just in time for the holidays. [11-02-00]

Lucky Numbers: Weatherman John Travolta has a lime colored car and his very own booth at the Denny's in Lucky Numbers, a movie about fixing the lottery, letting Travolta act and other bad ideas. [11-02-00]

Human Resources

The Legend of Drunken Master

Barenaked in America

Bedazzled

Lost Souls

Beautiful

Best in Show

Dr. T and the Women

The Contender

Meet the Parents

Pay It Forward

Dancer in the Dark

Get Carter

Girlfight

Love and Sex

Psycho Beach Party

Remember the Titans

This is Spinal Tap

Steal This Movie

Gimme Shelter

Urban Legends: Final Cut

Titanic Town

Woman On Top

Catfish in Black Bean Sauce: This movie does a good job of showing how quickly immigrants become American and how that can impact their relationships with the people and the culture they left behind.

The Tao of Steve: For all that The Tao of Steve is an "indie" with all sorts of street cred, it plays like a pretty standard funny-side-of-romantic-torture movie.

Almost Famous (Rated R)

Crowe makes you yearn for the open road and a clear radio signal: Almost Famous avoids most of the major retro movie pitfalls: saccharin nostalgia, Wonder Years-like over-analysis, inappropriate camp, etc.

Duets (Rated R)

This movie is bad, real bad; I mean bad: I am truly amazed this movie was even released in theaters. Why not straight-to-video this monument of shame?

Bait (Rated R)

Bait is nothing more than movie chum: Think of bait as a worm trying hard to escape a rusty hook piercing his stomach and you have a good picture of the Bait movie-watching experience.

Shower (Rated PG-13)

A son comes to understand his father and disabled brother: An urbane son returns to his rural home town to visit his father and his mentally handicapped brother in Shower, a movie that has very little to do with its title.

The Way of the Gun (Rated R)

The Way of the Gun is a Charleton Heston wet dream: Ryan Phillippe and Benicio Del Toro shoot at everything that moves and quite a few things that don't in The Way of the Gun.

Saving Grace (Rated R)

Saving Grace is a light British comedy: Brenda Blethyn and Craig Ferguson toke their problems away in Saving Grace, a movie about growing pot for fun and profit.

The Opportunists (Rated R)

The Opportunists is a quiet, funny crime story: Christopher Walken, for once, does not play a homicidal psychopath in The Opportunists, a movie that says crime never pays especially when it's inexpertly perpetrated.

Nurse Betty (Rated R)

Nurse Betty lacks the bit of LaBut's earlier films: Greg Kinnear isn't a doctor, but he plays one in Renee Zellweger's mind in Nurse Betty, the newest movie from In the Company of Men and Your Friends and Neighbors director Neil LaBut.

The Watcher (Rated R)

It's all down hill after Keanu starts talking: The Rule of Keanu holds fast in The Watcher, the latest creative psycho-killer movie.

God's Army (Rated PG)

Mornon boys struggle in God's Army: Mormons other than Donny and Marie Osmand are the subject of God's Army, an indie about a young Mormon on his mission in LA.

Cecil B. Demented (Rated R)

Cecil B. Demented pokes fun at Hollywood: Baltimore, freakish characters and a sense of cheerful mischief can only mean one thing in Cecil B. DeMented, a new movie by - you guessed it - John Waters about the stupidity of both Hollywood and independent movies.

Butterfly (Rated R)

Damn the subtitles and seek Butterfly out: The brief existence of the Spanish Republic in the mid 1930s provides the back drop for Butterfly, a sweet, thought-provoking movie that just happens to be subtitled. [08-24-00] 

The Cell (Rated R)

Short on substance, The Cell excells in visuals: Jennifer Lopez, Vince Vaughn and Vincent D'Onofrio dress up in extravagant gothic costumes and run around on the set of a Marilyn Mason video in The Cell, a thriller that is the definition of a shiny object movie. [08-24-00] 

Godzilla 2000 (Rated PG)

Godzilla's badness makes it good, really: The screams of terror, the paper buildings and the painful voice-overs can only mean one thing: the return of the giant fire-breathing lizard in Godzilla 2000. [08-24-00]

The Original Kings of Comedy (Rated R)

For a change, comedy drives this movie: The Original Kings of Comedy, a Spike Lee directed concert film showcasing four comedians in Charlotte, North Carolina, succeeds where many music and comedy concert movies fail: it lets the comedy drive the movie. [08-24-00]

The Eyes of Tammy Faye (Rated PG-13)

Wait until video for this campy bit of fluff: Christian drag queen Tammy Faye Bakker wrings the last few seconds from her 15 minutes of fame in The Eyes of Tammy Faye, a mostly friendly documentary about the large-lashed former televangelist narrated. This is a wierd documentary. [08-24-00]

Autumn in New York (PG-13)

Autumn in New York is trite, boring and unromantic: Skip it: Richard Gere is Emeril Lagasse and Winona Ryder is, I don't know, Monica Lewinsky, in Autumn in New York, an example of what not to do in a romance movie. [08-17-00]

Bless the Child (R)

If only Basinger had a few less lines in Bless the Child:Bless the Child is a mostly silly, occasionally creepy thriller that would be more fun if the little Jesus girl was older and had more lines and if Basinger was a bit calmer and had fewer lines. [08-17-00]

Love's Labours Lost (PG)

Love's Labours Lost is jolly good fun: Kenneth Brannagh shuffles his way through George Gershwin, Irving Berlin and Cole Porter in Love's Labours Lost, a 1930s-style musical version of the Shakespearean romantic comedy. [08-17-00]

Luminaries(not rated)

Good intentions are not enough to save Luminarias: Good intentions are not enough to save Luminarias, a movie that shows what happens when people set out to make a social statement without first writing a decent story and hiring non-annoying actors. [08-17-00]

Titus (R)

Shakespeare goes for gore: His Literary Holiness, William Shakespeare, proves he can Jerry Bruckheimer with the best of them in Titus, an almost three hour version of the bloody play Titus Andronicus.[08-17-00]

Coyote Ugly

Cheese-in-a-can film-making: On a cinematic level, this movie is the sort of cheese-in-a-can that could have easily gone straight to video. The lines are either trite or bad and occasionally both. The characters are obvious stereotypes. I predict this movie will wind up on the USA network - or somewhere similar - running once a month on Saturday nights. [08-10-00]

Hollow Man

Looks great, but not much more: With special effects this impressive, I get the sense that nobody put much - or any - thought into the other things, like story or characters or the fact that special effects can only go so far before the audience might start to want those other things. [08-10-00]

But I'm a Cheerleader

A sweet and quirky comedy: Megan is pretty, perky, prissy and gay in But I'm A Cheerleader, a movie about being a gay teen and the dangers of coordinated dressing. [08-10-00]

Trixie

This is not just a quirky movie - It's distractingly bizarre. When these peaks of freakiness stick out of the plot, it makes the already convoluted story difficult to follow. [08-10-00]

A Piece of Eden

A Piece of Eden is more love story than family epic: All families are cursed - usually by the behavior of their members - is the message in A Piece of Eden, a half-grown family epic. [08-10-00]

Thomas and the Magic Railroad (G) 

A new "high" in entertainment: Alec Baldwin is a strung-out junkie looking for a fix of gold dust in Thomas and the Magic Railroad, a weird children's movie that has something to do with trains. [08-03-00]

Loser (PG-13)

Loser no loser, but no classic either: A nice guy tries to make his way in the big bad city in Loser, an Amy Heckerling movie about the horrors of New York City, the terrors of the freshman year of college and the tortures of romance. But is it funny?[08-03-00]

Space Cowboys (PG-13)

Actors and plot could both use a walker: Space becomes the greatest retirement community since Scottsdale, Arizona in Space Cowboys, a movie that answers the question of what will happen to older actors sick of playing grandpas and father figures.[08-03-00]

The Replacements (PG-13) 

Reeves talks, unfortunately: Keanu Reeves plays a quarterback in search of redemption in The Replacements, a movie that gives him many lines of dialog. In a perfect universe, you would ask me how this movie is and I would say "Keanu has to do a lot of talking in this movie." And you would understand.[08-03-00]

Nutty Professor II: The Klumps (PG-13)

A series of fart jokes: Eddie Murphy's first Nutty Professor movie had a nice little subtext about self-esteem and learning acceptance. His second movie tries for some substance too, but falls back on what has become this summer's comedy standard: a series of fart jokes.[08-03-00]

Review of What Lies Beneath

Nothing worth watching is what lies beneath this movie: A shaky plot and some wooden acting from the former Indiana Jones are What Lies Beneath this thriller starring Michelle Pfeiffer and Harrison Ford.

Review of Kikujiro

Japanese Disney: Masao (Yusuke Sekiguchi), a lonely boy who lives with his grandmother, decides to set out to look for his mother and ends up enlisting a local gambler (Beat Takeshi) - with requisite gruff exterior and gooey soft middle - in his quest. The pair hit the road and hi-jinx ensue.

Review of Groove

Entering the world of rave: This night-in-the-life movie is an entertaining look at an interesting, if occasionally silly, culture.

Review of Croupier

Track Croupier down: Croupier is the sort of drama that seldom appears in a mainstream film. The central events of the story are mostly minor situations. But, these minor situations work like a river cutting through rock on Jack's character.

Review of The In Crowd

One nude scene from soft porn: The In Crowd is so bad, so humorless it can't even be considered campy.

It's great because we're all a little off: X-Men is great because it deals with outcast youngsters (who doesn't identify there?) and how they use their deformities/super powers to save those who despise them. [07-20-00] Also the geek speaks, a New Hampshire comic book fan's take on the movie.

Sunshine is a solid, beautiful epic film: In addition to being an engaging look at the last century of Eastern European history, Sunshine is a great family story.

It'd be better if Jesus' Son knew what it was trying to say: This movie tries to do something, to say something, very important. I think I would like Jesus' Son better if I knew what that was.

Hamlet, what a piece of work is Ethan Hawke:Ethan Hawke is the original disaffected youth in Hamlet, a modern setting rendition of the William Shakespeare play. [07-13-00]

Scary Movie: 80 minutes and one laugh. Don't waste your cash. [07-13-00]

The Perfect Storm, perfectly gooey:The main fault in this movie lies in its over use of sentimentality in an effort to get us to care a whole lot about these characters right away.[07-13-00]

The Patriot, once more into the breach: Braveheart comes to America. Just in time for Independence Day, Mel Gibson plays the uncle of his nation in The Patriot. [07-06-00]

Me, Myself and Irene, a butt of a movie: Twice the man, half the plot as Jim Carrey goes Jekel and Hyde in the latest Farrelly brother gross out Me, Myself and Irene. [07-06-00]

Chicken Run, not just for the kiddies: Steve McQueen is a big chicken. The Great Escape is remade with chickens and&mdashgasp&mdasha girl lead in Chicken Run, a claymation master piece. [07-06-00]

Fantasia, not as good as the orginal, but not bad: Disney tries again and comes up short. But then again, it's Disney. What'd expect? [07-01-00]

Titan A.E., another bad sci-fi summer flick: The world blows up and the hope of humanity rests with the voices of Matt Damon and Drew Barrymore in Titan A.E., the summer's second science fiction movie. [06-29-00]

Shaft, can you dig it: Despite this movie's many, many problems, Shaft is kick ass action fun. It is a cartoon; a crazy violent cartoon with an awesome theme song. The Issac Hayes classic and Jackson's over-the-top performance pull the movie together. [06-29-00]

Gone in 60 Seconds: You should be gone from the theater in 60 seconds. [06-19-2000]

Onegin: Like any good Russian love stories, things start off depressing and get worse. [6-19-2000]

Time Code : Concept movie alert! May contain pretentious behavior.  [06-08-2000]

East is East : A little comedy in your drama.  [06-08-2000]

East/West : I married a Communist.  [06-08-2000]

Mission Impossible 2 : Shit blows up.  [05-30-2000]

Shanghai Noon : Kung Fu in the wild, wild west.  [05-30-2000]

Small Time Crooks : Big Time Funny.  [05-30-2000]

The Big Kahuna : Waiting for Willy Loman.  [05-30-2000]

Center Stage : You can dance.  [05-30-2000]

Battlefield Earth : When Scientologists Attack.  [05-18-2000]

Road Trip : Tom Green does not eat that mouse.  [05-18-2000]