Pinings — Advice by Sherry Hughes

Dear Pinings,

I’ve had a “friends with benefits” relationship with a guy at work for a while now. He’s really not relationship material, but I like hanging out with him and we have fabulous sex. We work in different departments, so there isn’t a risk of our work getting messy because we are seeing each other. I’m not dating anyone else right now, and am not interested in dating others. I just got out of a relationship with a guy I’d been with for seven years. Right now, I don’t need the aggravation.

The problem? My lover wants to go out on “dates.” I just want to have sex with him. He’s a nice guy, and very good looking. But he always asks me to go to concerts or the movies or out to eat. I say no, thanks, but then invite him over for a little fun. He doesn’t seem to mind, but he doesn’t seem to understand where I’m coming from either.

Ideas?

- Sugar honey

Dear Sugar,

Guys aren’t used to women just wanting sex without a commitment—they understand the other side of the coin, of course, but this is probably a situation your lover hasn’t been in.

“Friends with benefits” relationships can work, but they can be messy too. Be really clear about what you want and if he doesn’t agree, you might need to remove yourself from the relationship. Tell him that you aren’t using him, you just don’t feel the need for any outside activities. Tell him that you just want to have sex and that you don’t love him and don’t want to date him.

If he doesn’t understand, move on to someone who does.

Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers. Reach her at sah103@hotmail.com