Hippo Manchester
September 22, 2005

Dear Sherry,

We have neighbors who can?t mind their own business. My girlfriend and I think they are very nice, but we don?t want to hang out with them. We have our own friends. They are constantly coming over to chat when we are working in the yard or sitting on the porch. These are the kind of folks who never leave. Also, they have children and we don?t. This, for me, is key. I don?t hate kids, but I don?t want them around my house and yard all the time. How do I remain friendly with them but not ? friends?

- Butch

Dear Butch,

I?ll tell you what you don?t want. You don?t want a bad neighbor. And as long as you are friendly, you?ll do well. I know it?s a pain, and let me tell you, I?ve had nosy neighbors before. But it?s a small price to pay ? to say hello, to chat while doing lawn work, to chit-chat about the weather. You?ll have someone you know and have a friendly relationship with next door. You are under no obligation to invite them over or to care for their kids. But you do want someone you can count on to give you a jumpstart if your battery dies on a cold winter morning. Ultimately, good boundaries make for good relationships. Be sure to say hi and be friendly, but start being clear about your privacy. If they come over for a visit, say, ?You know what? it?s great to see you but my gal and I are having a private talk, would you mind excusing us?? They won?t need to hear that very often before they know enough to stay away.

And whatever you do, don?t give them a key to your house.

Sherry Hughes welcomes letters from readers. Contact her via e-mail at sah103@hotmail.com.