Verily, doth two cretins quest, get high and swear in Your Highness, a movie that is funniest for its place on Natalie Portman’s résumé.
Golden Globe and Academy Award-winning performance in Black Swan, total crap rom-com No Strings Attached, goblet of awful Your Highness — what Oscar curse?
Prince Fabious (James Franco) is the brave and handsome future king; Thadeous (Danny McBride) is his idiot younger brother. When Fabious’ fiancée Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel) is stolen by evil wizard Leezar (Justin Theroux), King Thallious (Charles Dance) tells Thadeous to join his brother on a quest to save her. On the road, they are joined by Isabel (Portman), who is on a quest of her own.
So, pick any ren-faire story about dragons and knights, throw in some swearing and drug references and sex talk and, voila, you have this movie. Or rather, plop, you have this movie. There is nothing more creative to it than that. The jokes are entirely about the fake Middle Ages dialogue mixed with modern slang and swearing and some naughty talk. It is shocking how little else is contained in this movie’s nearly two hours — we get just the one joke and it’s told over and over. Not in a single performance does an actor rise above the standard of “awake and speaking at an audible volume”; not a single plot point is interesting in any way. D-
Rated R for strong crude and sexual content, pervasive language, nudity, violence and some drug us. Directed by David Gordon Green and written by Danny McBride and Ben Best, Your Highness is an hour and 42 minutes long and distributed by Universal Pictures.